No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
