I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
