What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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