It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
