The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
