The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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