real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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