if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
