Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
