Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
