I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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