I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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