My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
