i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
third nipple confirmed
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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