I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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