When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
