awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Welp...herpes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
