I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
