No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
