talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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