So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
