Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
