Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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