girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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