Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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