so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
