when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
