Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
