oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
