2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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