Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
