The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
