Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
