I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I touched a dick in church today
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
