I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's the barista slut.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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