exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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