So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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