she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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