Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
