she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
