Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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