I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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