Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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