whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
