Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
