I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
