he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
