My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
