Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
