i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
