Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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