If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
